This is a guest post by our Shining Light Doula, Amanda Guntrum.
Breastfeeding – This is probably the part of motherhood that I am looking forward to the most.
A simple Google image search of the word makes it look irresistible. Impeccably groomed young mothers cradling similarly well-groomed infants. The room is lit with soft lighting. The couch or bed-sheets that the beautiful dyad are lounging on are a light and airy fabric in a neutral shade. The whole ambiance is one of calm and loving serenity. Bliss even. I image myself as the gracious Madonna, looking down on a sweet smelling newborn with a knowing smile. Confident in my abilities to be a great mother as my child nurses in a perfect moment. Also, I have been lugging these boobs around for 29 years so far. It will be immensely satisfying to finally fulfill their purpose in giving the most perfect nutrition to my darling baby.
Do you remember when you imagined what your first kiss would be like? It would be special and romantic and perfect and instead it was awkward and all spit and teeth and tongue? No? That was just me?
Anyway, that is what I know breastfeeding will actually be like. It won’t be serene. Maybe eventually, but the first few weeks will be sleepless nights and an overly hungry screaming baby that won’t latch on right because my breasts are too engorged or he is too tired/fussy/overstimulated. I won’t be perfectly groomed. I will be wearing yesterday’s pajamas which have spit up, spilt coffee and other unidentified stains on them.
I know already that I will not be smiling with confidence in motherhood. I have seen too many new mothers to believe that fantasy.
I will be crying to my best friend about how I didn’t know it would be *this* hard. I will be obsessing over lost ounces and wet diapers.
I will be trying the football hold, followed by the cradle hold, followed by laying the baby down and then kneeling over him on all fours like a cow in complete desperation!
I will be bargaining with myself that a little formula won’t hurt while at the same time yelling at my mother for giving him a binkie – hasn’t she ever heard of nipple confusion?!!
I will pump obsessively.
I will try on demand feeding. Then I will give up and try scheduled feeding, only to go back to on demand feeding.
So knowing all of this, why do I still hold on to that image of the perfect Madonna with the perfect baby in soft lighting? Why am I still looking forward to breastfeeding? How can normal women like you and me escape the cracked nipples and obsession over pee?
First, know it will get better. It won’t be easy and effortless – at first. But that will change as we get better at breastfeeding and as our babies get better at nursing. I am told that three to six months is the sweet spot (I am sure this is highly variable though!).
Second, there is help! This is the essential piece that gets you and me from engorged breasts and fussy babies to the blissful Google image search results.
Step one to successful breastfeeding is to learn how. I am like most Americans in that I didn’t see a lot of breastfeeding growing up. So when I find out that I am pregnant, I will take a class on breastfeeding to learn the basic skills from the experts.
Step two is to start early. Breastfeeding in the first hour after birth is essential to starting that relationship. Having a doula at birth can help by creating the atmosphere for this to happen and by offering suggestions to solve common stumbling blocks.
Step three is to keep at it! Nurse often. Pump when you are away from the baby. Don’t give up.
Step four is probably the most important. We need to find our people. Figure out who in our lives will listen to us vent without judgement. Find the local La Leche League chapter and go to a meeting. They are filled with supportive women who are all breastfeeding their babies. They know the struggles and know some of the solutions because they are walking this path with us.
Step five is to get help. If something really just isn’t working and I am at my wits end, I will get in contact with a Lactation Consultant. In fact, if things are just sort of bothering me and I am a little annoyed, I will probably get in contact with a Lactation Consultant. They are incredibly knowledgeable and some make house calls so I won’t even have to change out of yesterday’s pajamas. We can wait until the breastfeeding issue is fixed before we brush our hair and lounge casually on our softly lit white couch with a newborn at the breast.
- Breastfeeding Essentials class, here at Shining Light Prenatal Education
- Teresa Bailey, Shining Light’s Lactation Consultant
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