As I write this, my maternal grandmother lies in hospice care, her life-support removed a morphine drip in place. (edit: She passed away last night)
Both birth and death are the great transitions in life. When death is lingering, the family gathers at the bedside and holds vigil. They wait, hope, pray, eat, doze-off, and talk of the past and of the future. They are the loving watchers for the dying. Only the dying person knows what it truly feels like. The family shares the burden and eases their passage. This is the same as with a laboring mother.
During labor, the mother’s family is present (or at least one member). Support is given with touch, words, food, and a smile. Distant family calls. Their hopes now spread over social media with well-wishes and crossed-fingers. Friends and family wait, hope, pray, eat, doze-off, and talk of the past and of the future. Only the baby knows what it feels like to be born.
After death, the family makes plans for how to cope with the loss of their loved one. They organize the phone tree (or just send a group text…). The family and friends will share duties and help provide support after the loved one has passed.
After birth, the family makes plans for how to support the new parents. They organize a meal train, and set up times to visit. They share duties to help maintain the new household and provide support for this new little family.
The details of the ritual after death vary, but the support system is the same as after the birth of a baby.
We can never truly know how it feels to die or how it feels to be born. These happen in an instant. In death there are no more memories. In birth the mechanism for memory is immature. It is therefore up to the family and friends to remember for us.
Birth and death are pivotal moments in time for an individual. These moments need to be met with love and support from family and friends. It is the family’s duty to hold the sacred space at these transitional times. Although being born and dying are something we do ourselves, it is gentler to make these transitions surrounded by family and friends, in a place where we are most comfortable.
For death we grieve, for birth we celebrate. Two sides of the same coin.
My family is present at my grandmother’s bedside. They hold the space for her as she transitions into death.
May the long time sun
Shine upon you,
All love surround you,
And the pure light within you
Guide your way on.Kundalini yoga – farewell blessing
Sat Nam
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