Every time I see something in the media about the “bumbling dad” it makes me cringe. There is a stereotype in our culture regarding incompetent fathers. They put the baby’s diaper on backwards; feed them chocolate cake for breakfast; forget to bathe them; buckle them in the car seat incorrectly; have no idea what to do for a crying baby and so on. True enough, there are some incompetent dads… and moms, and grandparents… But as a rule, dads are really good at what they do.
It begins during pregnancy. I see dads who are the ones to schedule the childbirth classes. The questions I always get from dads in Confident Birthing are
- “How can I help her during labor?”
- “What can I do to make her more comfortable?”
- “How can I communicate her needs better to the hospital staff?
In Breastfeeding class, the dads want to know how they can help support her breastfeeding experience. They want to make it easy and comfortable for mom. They want to know when they get to feed that first pumped bottle and how to make it an additional bonding experience with the baby. They are looking forward to it!
In Infant Care class the dads ask about bathing the baby, about sleep and calming. They want to know about skin-to-skin contact. They want to know about infant bonding with dad outside of breastfeeding. They are honestly curious and want to learn. They want to be good fathers. And you know what – they already are!
After the baby’s birth, dads are itching to hold their little one. They worry about the baby just as much as mom does. They love the baby just as much as she does.
Dads have magic baby calming tricks that we ladies will never have. There is a magic in their strength, their hairy chests and their deep voices. They have calmness about them when helping that crying baby, which we mothers are often missing. Babies know their father’s voices from inside the womb. They turn their heads to look at dad and react with a peaceful gaze.
Dads do things differently than moms do. They hold the baby differently, they play differently and they love differently. That’s a good thing. These subtle differences make for a more robust and varied childhood. Our children have a different relationship with their dads than their moms – and they should. We are different people.
My husband said he was never a “baby person”. But yet, as I watched him with our children I realized that he was. I know he enjoys them more, now that they are 8 and 4. He’s the one to take them bike riding and hiking. I much prefer my yoga studio. He gets messy with them and I work to keep them clean. To them, he is dad – he who can fix any problem! Mom is boring and deals with the routine of the day. Dad is the better cook. Mom is one for museums and book learning.
Our children need the complimentary parenting of a dad. Dads do parenting differently than we moms do. I’m grateful for that. So let’s ditch the “bumbling dad” stereotype. Instead, let’s celebrate what the fathers of our children do for them.
Happy Father’s Day to all the amazing dads out there.
Leave a Reply