Myth: Childbirth is the Worst Pain, EVER!

Dad (to me): “So, how painful will childbirth be for her?”

Before I can answer, Mom blurts out, “It’s the worst pain of your life!”

This is one of the most common myths about childbirth.  When we talk about pain, we need to put it into context.

“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”

Me: “Well, have you ever had any broken bones, any major surgery, etc.?”

Mom: “Yes, actually. Knee surgery.”

Me: “Did you get a break from your pain or was it constant unless you were medicated.”

Mom: “Constant, until it healed.”

Me: “You get breaks with labor. The pain is only during a contraction, not in between. It is also progressive. So at the beginning of labor it is less intense than in the middle and much less intense than at the end. Your body has time to learn to work with the contractions and your mind has time to learn to cope.  When you can no longer cope, then is it time to consider pharmacological pain medication.”

Mom: “I didn’t realize you get breaks. I’ve only seen birth on TV. They really only show the end, when the baby’s born.”

Me: “Well, that’s because early labor is pretty boring from the perspective of the observer… not enough drama for TV so we end up with this misconception that labor is horrible.”

If pain during labor *ever* rolls over into suffering it is then appropriate to consider pharmacological pain relief, such as the injectable narcotics, nitrous oxide or an epidural.

No woman should ever suffer during labor. Ever.

See, the horror stories are more fun to tell. They get a better audience reaction and garner more sympathy. Hearing a woman cheerfully tell you how awful her 26 hour labor was and how this *almost* happened and that *almost* happened, but everything was fine in the end makes great drama.

How exiting is it to hear, “Well, I figured I was in labor in the late afternoon. I ate dinner, put my son to bed, watched TV, and then went to bed myself. I woke up at 1:30am in active labor, labored in my living room quietly, as not to wake my son.  By 5:30 I was ready to go into the hospital. Finally got the babysitter in and we go to the hospital around 7:00am. I gave birth at 9:59am after 29 mins of pushing.”  OK, for me, it’s exciting because that was my daughter’s birth, but there’s no drama there. Even an hour and half to sort out the babysitter situation wasn’t dramatic.

When we watch thinks like “A Baby Story” or “I didn’t know I was pregnant” we don’t get the reality of birth, we get the cut and edited for dramatic effect version of birth. It’s always more dramatic to get rushed to the OR for an emergency c-section, rather than wait and watch for an unassisted vaginal birth. Our pop culture gives us a very false impression of what birth is actually like. See more here: Pregnancy, Birth and the Media or, what my students are watching on TV.

How many of us have actually seen a woman give birth in real life?  Have you ever been in the room with a laboring mother?  What about an animal, a cat or a dog?  Have you seen them give birth up close and personal?  Most of us will answer “No” to all these questions.  So if you’ve never seen it, how do you know what birth actually looks like?  The short answer is you don’t.

What if you’ve never had a major injury, surgery, illness or similar?  What if you’ve never experienced serious emotional pain, such that you’ve needed coping skills? Could childbirth then be the “worst pain of your life.”?  Yes, because you have no point of reference.  But the “worst pain of your life” may very well be perfectly tolerable and manageable.

Let’s gain some perspective:

“Labor is pain with a purpose – to give birth to your baby!”

Unlike knee surgery, where the pain is due to injury and healing; the pain of labor is your body working to dilate, efface, rotate the baby and help her descend through the pelvis to be born. When the baby is born (and the placenta) the pain abates. This is due to the postpartum hormone rush – and man, what a high that is! It’s why they say women forget the pain of labor.

P – Purposeful
A – Anticipated
I – Intermittent
N –Normal

Pain is also a very individual thing.  Ever stub your toe?  Some people, when they stub a toe will swear under their breath and keep on walking. Other people will hop up and down, scream, and then spend the next few days telling people how awful it is.  It’s the same with labor.

Some women will just grunt and breathe that baby out; others will scream as if they are being stabbed, some will swear a blue streak and others will chant positive affirmations or mantras.  Many women will do all of the above over the course of labor.

Is it possible to have a painless childbirth? Yes.

Is it possible to have a ectactic birth experience. Yes. (I love this laughing, laboring Frenchwoman! Fair warning, graphic, but awesome birth video.) 

Should you expect it, or strive for it? No.

You want to set yourself up for success. By striving for a painless birth you will likely not meet your own expectations, thus creating feelings of failure.

If anyone tries to sell you their method for achieving painless birth, run away. Click here for more on my thoughts on painless birth.

The flip side of this is not to assume that it be will the “worst pain of your life”. Set up reasonable expectations for yourself.  Learn the natural coping techniques. Have good support from your partner and/or a doula. Know your hospital or birth center’s policies and how to work with them, or work around them if they aren’t suiting your needs. Learn how to effectively communicate with your care provider. And, of course, come to a childbirth class!

To best way to cope with the pain or discomforts of labor is to get your head in the game.  I don’t just mean for you to will yourself out of pain.  I mean for you to use all of your tools in your kit, and to believe that you can accomplish this great, powerful and normal task of birthing your baby. If you say “I can’t”, then you won’t.  If you say “I can!”, then you will have laid the foundation you need to have a good birth experience.

How do you know what your labor and birth will feel like?  The short answer is, you don’t.  If I had $1 for every time a student asked me “how painful will it be?”  I wouldn’t be driving a nine year old car with the engine light on…

I wish I had a crystal ball to answer that question.  The best answer I can give is that it is an individual experience.  Every woman, with every baby, will have her own experience of labor and birth.  Birth may be a common event around the world, but it is unique unto you.

The only thing birth should be, is yours.

Sat Nam.