Adding Fuel to the Mommy Wars Fire: Breastfeeding a 3 yr old on the cover of TIME Magazine

Big win for the TIME Magazine marketing machine, this week. With their new cover, they’ve generated a ton of buzz online.  Much conversation has been had and is being continued.  Kudos to their marketing team – they did it, got us all talking…

“Are you mom enough?” asks the cover of this week’s TIME Magazine with a photo of a petite, thin mom standing while breastfeeding her large 3 yr old who is on a chair.  Ostensibly, this article is about attachment parenting.  However, the photo and the headline are being deliberately used to create strife and discord among mothers.

We’ve all heard of the “Mommy Wars”.  It used to be just breastfeeding vs. formula feeding.  Apparently that fight isn’t enough.  TIME feels the need to take it one step farther.  Now they are pitting mothers against each other regarding how long they breastfeed.

“Are you mom enough?” is a challenge, a call to action.  Just the headlines tell us that even if you breastfeed your child, meeting the AAP’s standards isn’t enough.

“The AAP recommends exclusive breastfeeding for about 6 months, with continuation of breastfeeding for 1 year or longer as mutually desired by mother and infant, a recommendation concurred to by the WHO and the Institute of Medicine.” (emphasis mine)

Or, that meeting the World Health Organization’s (WHO) standards isn’t enough.

“Exclusive breastfeeding is recommended up to 6 months of age, with continued breastfeeding along with appropriate complementary foods up to two years of age or beyond”  (emphasis mine)

But the TIME magazine headline isn’t about best evidence.  It isn’t about science or medicine. It’s about setting an imaginary bar so high it’s unobtainable for most women.  I think instead of promoting breastfeeding, what they’ve done is made it more of a divisive issue.  Instead of softly saying that there are some women who practice extended breastfeeding (myself included); they have hit us over the head with a giant breastfeeding hammer.

This image is the polar opposite of a formula feeding image, in terms of the “mommy wars”.  Formula feeding is often viewed as unhealthy and unnatural.  Breastfeeding an infant is often seen as pure, natural, instinctive, etc.  Breastfeeding an older toddler, or a preschooler is often seen as weird, hippie, crunchy, dangerous, unhealthy, psychologically harmful.  The image on the cover of TIME is deliberately confrontational.  It is an unnatural position in which to breastfeed a child.  Mom is defiant and strong – as if she’s giving the finger to “the man”.  I think if the picture was of the same mother and 3 yr old, in a seated, cuddling position, which is a much more normal way to breastfeed; it would have stirred up less controversy.  Of course, they stick those pictures inside the magazine… 

I think we can all agree that formula is sub-optimal in relation to breastfeeding.  However, that doesn’t mean it’s poison.  It doesn’t make it “bad” to formula feed.  It doesn’t make a woman a failure if she can’t breastfeed or if she chooses to formula feed.

So, what about breastfeeding duration?  Do we all have to follow the AAP’s guidelines of 12 months +, or the WHO’s guidelines of 2 yrs +?  No.  It is possible to do it, yes, with the right support.

Breastfeeding for 2 days is good.  Breastfeeding for 2 weeks is good.  Breastfeeding for 2 months is good.  Breastfeeding for 2 years is good.  Any amount of breastfeeding is good.  Know that.

Know that you are “mom enough”.  You are enough just as you are.  You parent as *you* see best.  Not as I see best, not as the statistics see best, as you see best.  The only one who can tell you if you are “mom enough” is your child.  The answer will always be a resounding “YES!”

Don’t let yourself fall prey to the bait TIME Magazine has laid for you.  As women we need to support each other in our choices and not allow ourselves to bicker about what ultimately amounts to a hill of beans in the grand scheme of things.  I think it all boils down to a basic lack of respect.  It’s a lack of respect from TIME magazine, for what is ultimately a personal decision.  As long as it is a truly informed decision, I will support it.

I will leave you with one last tidbit to chew on.  The AAP’s final statement on breastfeeding: “Thus, infant feeding should not be considered as a lifestyle choice but rather as a basic health issue.”  How does that affect your feelings on breastfeeding and extended breastfeeding?

Sat Nam.