A follow up post to Natural Childbirth Advocate *or* Realistic Childbirth Advocate
Lactivist = Lactation Activist
On one hand, being a supporter and a promoter of breastfeeding as normal and natural is a good thing. On the other hand, berating women because they can’t breastfeed, need to supplement or simply choose to use formula is unacceptable.
Wikipedia gives us a soft, simple definition of the term Lactivism:
Then take Urban Dictionary’s two definitions of Lactivist
Hmmm… by definition #1 and by Wikipedia’s simple explanation, maybe I am a Lactivist… but by definition #2, I’m not. I don’t believe that staging “nurse-ins” is going to change anyone’s mind about breastfeeding in public. I think it causes those who disapprove of public nursing to dig their heels in further, and cement their opinions that they are right. Why? Because you’ve antagonized and embarrassed that business owner.
If you want others to respect your point of view, you must respect theirs – even if you disagree with them. The Golden Rule, and all that… add to that – Ahimsa Non-violence; not harming other people or other sentient beings; not harming oneself; not harming the environment; tolerance even for that which we dislike; not speaking that which, even though truthful, would injure others.
If we want to affect change then we must engage in meaningful dialog. We must, instead of protesting, and staging nurse-ins, ASK the business owner WHY they have an objection to breastfeeding in their establishment and see if a reasonable compromise can be reached. In most cases, the answer will be “yes”. Protesting and finger-pointing will only make the situation worse.
The other group where advocacy, and maybe even activism, is necessary is with the formula companies and their marketing tactics. They do both blatant (coupons in the mail) and subtle (call the breastfeeding helpline, sponsored by Similac) marketing of their products.
The WHO Code set up guidelines for appropriate marketing of infant feeding products. Many companies who make formula, bottles and breast pumps are in violation of the WHO code. This is egregious and must be addressed. These are some of the things commonly referred to as “booby traps”. Both Lactivists and Realistic Breastfeeding Advocates will agree that the marketing tactics and the WHO code violations must be addressed to promote breastfeeding.
Let’s turn now to how we approach pregnant or new mothers with breastfeeding. Instead of assuming a mother is going to breastfeed – ask her about it. “Do you intend to breastfeed?” Her answer will often be enlightening as to the concerns or fears she has surrounding breastfeeding. She may express concern about low supply; small breasts; inverted nipples; pain while breastfeeding; baby’s growth; going back to work; a failure to breastfeed baby #1; concerns about how her husband will be able to interact with the baby; how is she going to sleep if she has to breastfeed around the clock; time management; breastfeeding in public; others opinions; etc.
This gives us the opportunity to address her concerns in a truthful, informative and supportive manner. We can start by affirming her concerns are valid, instead of blowing them off and telling her that it’ll just be OK. We give her information on local lactation consultants; professional resources like books, websites and videos; we can encourage mom to take a comprehensive breastfeeding class; invite her to support groups like La Leche; etc.
Add into this “Realistic Breastfeeding Advocate” – none of us really know another’s motivations for their actions. There is a tendency to assume that a mother isn’t breastfeeding because she just gave up “it was too hard” or that it was society’s fault, a formula company sent her a sample, the nurses in the postpartum hospital ward are to blame, her mother wasn’t supportive enough – and on, and on and on. Let us not assume that we can justify away a mother’s lack of breastfeeding. By doing so, we assume that there was something she could have done differently. What if?
Just because breastfeeding is normal, doesn’t mean it’s going to be simple and easy. We hope it will be, for both mama and baby’s sake, and we can do our best to prepare mama to take on this new and wonderful duty. However, if a mama chooses to supplement with formula, to wean earlier than *we’d* like her to or to formula feed entirely – it is not our place to tell her, or to imply, that she’s doing something wrong. Nor should we keep telling her to exclusively breastfeed if baby has been diagnosed with failure to thrive, is losing weight and is not eliminating properly. Not only is baby’s health at risk, but so is mama’s sanity. I’ve seen mothers tearing their hair out over a literally starving baby because they just can’t bring themselves to give baby formula.
Formula isn’t poison.
However, it isn’t the optimal 1st choice either. The WHO tells us the preferred ways to feed a baby are as follows:
1. Breastfeeding
2. Feeding baby mother’s pumped breastmilk
3. Breastmilk from another woman
4. Formula feeding
Some places of employment are not conducive to pumping. Some women just don’t pump well, since the pump is not as efficient as a baby. Some mothers have medical conditions which prevents breastfeeding, or even pumping. The availability of milk from milk banks is scarce and costs approx. $4 per oz. Free milk sharing is an option but mothers have to know where to look and whom to trust. Social barriers, ridicule from friends or family can also prevent breastfeeding.
There are many barriers to breastfeeding. These barriers should be mitigated to the best of our abilities – like making all hospitals Baby Friendly.
We also need to let mothers know that any breastmilk is good. If you breastfeed for 2 days; it is good. If you breastfeed for 2 weeks; it is good. If you breastfeed for 2 months; it is good. If you breastfeed for 2 years, it is good. If you formula feed baby while you are at work and breastfeed while you are at home; it is good.
I am a Realistic Breastfeeding Advocate. I believe that breastfeeding is normal and natural. I believe that the vast majority of women are capable of breastfeeding. I believe that women should be encouraged to breastfeed and not be criticized or put down because of their choice to breastfeed. I believe that women should be able to breastfeed whenever and wherever they see fit. I believe that we need to remove the barriers to breastfeeding and help women find the resources and the help they need so that they may be successful in their endeavor. I believe that if a mother chooses to supplement with formula, that is her right to do so and she should not be told she is doing something wrong. I believe that if a mother chooses to solely formula feed, she should do so from an educated perspective. We all have the right to make informed choices as to what we feel is best for our children, ourselves and our families.
Sat Nam.
For more information on breastfeeding resources, both locally and on the web, please visit the Links page.
Deena,
I’m on board with you 90% here. We at The Milk Truck don’t make judgements on women for nursing or not, but we advocate for a mother’s right to nurse if she chooses to (which is protected by PA state law).
I disagree with you on the nurse-in. I think nurse-ins are valuable in that: A) the mother feels supported by her peers after being humiliated by a business owner, B) rather than slap litigation onto the business owner (which she could do) she subverts costly legal fees/battles and just makes her point in a simple gesture and C) the business owner’s treatment of babies and mothers is made public, which allows people to decide for themselves whether or not they want to continue spending their money at that establishment.
I am concerned that we have been taught, as women, to be polite and keep quiet, and therefore we risk suffering humiliation in order to not offend a business owner. Let’s remember that a business owner who is complying by the law is not put in an adversarial position – it is only business owners who hassle women that find themselves hosting a spontaneous nurse-in.
The Milk Truck has tried to temper the “angry mom” nurse-in stereotype by using humor as a vehicle for starting conversation with the public. We want people to walk by and start the conversation with a smile. I agree that being angry isn’t the best way to “win” over a person against public nursing. We hope to lighten the conversation with our giant breast-crowned vehicle.
But ultimately, we just want those babies to be able to eat wherever they are. And we want Mom to do it without fear of humiliation.
Jill ~
I agree with you that we need to support a mother who was, to use your word, humiliated by a business owner (or employee) with regards to her breastfeeding in their establishment. I also agree that if the business owner broke the law, then he should be prosecuted, etc. And sure, if you want to let other families know that this business isn’t breastfeeding friendly then they can choose whether or not to spend their money at that place.
However, if part of the intent of a nurse-in is to make people more tolerant of breastfeeding in public, then I think that is where the nurse-in fails to deliver. A nurse-in polarizes the two viewpoints (public vs private BF). It ramrods the belief that those who don’t support public BF are wrong down their throats, and what you get is a lot of flack. Look at some of the blog post comments on other sites regarding nurse-ins. There are some *very* angry, volatile people out there. Nurse-ins fan the flames of that volatility.
On the note of the legal aspect of public breastfeeding: PA law – https://breastfeedinglaws.uslegal.com/state-laws/pennsylvania-breast-feeding-laws/ Says that women have “permission” to BF in public, but NOT the “right”. This means that they can’t be arrested for indecency, etc. However, the flip side to “permission” vs. “right” is that even though they have “permission” to BF in a private business, the private business owner can still choose whether or not to allow BF in their establishment. Just like they can choose to set a dress code at a night club, or a “no shoes, no shirt, no service” policy, or 18 and up only patrons.
“Nursing mothers have no right of access to a private business that says “no.” And even sympathetic owners might find it prudent to object. For example, a restaurateur who operated on the margin might need those customers who would prefer not to dine next to conspicuous breastfeeding. He might need “the family trade” that includes parents who don’t want their children to view bare breasts.” https://www.lewrockwell.com/mcelroy/mcelroy33.html
So that business owner, CAN say no to BF in a private establishment, whether we like it or not.
Again, for me it comes down to this – Are we trying to change hearts and minds? If so, then meaningful dialog will work better than a ramrod, in your face nurse-in, which only creates polarization.
I do also hear you on the women who are taught to be polite and quiet – and maybe some women do need some help and support to speak up. However, that choice should be left up to the mother, whether or not she want the publicity and potential embarrassment of a public nurse-in in her honor.
I agree with the Milk Truck’s efforts, in that if a nursing mama in need calls, there will be support. I think that’s a great thing, because she asked for the support. I also agree that a healthy dose of humor goes a long way in smoothing over a tense situation. (heck, I wouldn’t have donated my pennies to support the Milk Truck if I didn’t like what you are doing!)
I think we all want the same outcome with regards to nursing babies while out and about – as you said “But ultimately, we just want those babies to be able to eat wherever they are. And we want Mom to do it without fear of humiliation.” I just think that there are other, more effective, less polarizing ways of achieving this goal. The nurse-in isn’t the only option.
Hmm… I’m glad you cited Wendy McElroy. I read her book about feminism and pornography in a class once, many moons ago and I taught it in a class as well. I had not read that particular piece though.
The Freedom to Breastfeed Act in Pennsylvania, passed in 2007, stipulates that a woman may breastfeed anywhere that she is allowed to be, public or private, covered or uncovered. (Businesses may decide to not allow children, which is a separate situation all together, but my understanding is that if children are allowed and the mother and baby are there, a business owner cannot tell a woman not to nurse.) Every state is different, like the article says. Still, I am curious by your points and want to pass it on to The Milk Truck’s lawyer. It’s very interesting to think of how this is handled legally. Is the law designed to protect the mother, infant or a private business owner?
Our law is quite new and I didn’t note when McElroy wrote that piece. And now I’m afraid to go “back” on my browser and lose this reply. 🙂