Out there in the cloud of birth information is this idea that birth can or should be painless. Somebody heard a story about a friend of a friend who had just the most blissful, fabulous, painless, even orgasmic birth experience. There are a number of videos on YouTube which show women in all their birthing glory, just breathing that babe out. Or the videos on Orgasmic Birthand their whole philosophy that birth can be pleasurable, as opposed to painful.
Let’s talk about pain for a moment. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. The pain of childbirth is necessary. Surprise! Here’s how it works. The brain releases oxytocin (the love hormone). Oxytocin causes contractions. Contractions cause pain. Pain tells the brain to release endorphins. Endorphins make us feel better. The brain senses the endorphins and releases more oxytocin creating another contraction; releasing endorphins… you get the point.
So, what happens when you take the pain away? If you take the pain away, then your brain doesn’t release endorphins. If there are no endorphins then the brain slows, or stops its release of oxytocin. This slows or stops your contractions… Enter one of the issues with the epidural, but I digress.
So, why do some groups tout a “painless childbirth”? Whether they are advocates of epidurals, narcotics or nitrous oxide; or they are natural birth groups who have a better way, they have the same message – Birth doesn’t have to hurt. What they are missing is that is does have to hurt, but no woman should ever have to suffer.
Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. The coping skills we teach (breathing, positions, massage, acupressure, hydrotherapy, aromatherapy, meditation, visualization, etc.) as well as support skills for the birth partner, are critical to alleviate suffering. Pain medication (narcotics, nitrous oxide, even the epidural) can also alleviate suffering if the laboring woman is unable to use her coping skills, or there are extenuating circumstances that take her birth out of the “normal” range – such as the use of Pitocin.
The other factor we need to look at is not just the laboring mother’s physical well being, bur her emotional state. How did she enter her pregnancy? Was this an unplanned pregnancy, or has she been trying forever to get pregnant? Was the pregnancy uncomplicated or difficult? How is the mother’s home life? Does she have financial support? Social support? Family Support? Is the father (partner) in the picture or is she poised to become a single mother? And so on…
What about becoming prepared for the birth: Did she take a Childbirth Ed class? What books did she read? Friends did she talk to? TV shows did she watch? Did she hire a doula? Midwife? OB?
Did she come into her labor fearful, or faithful? If the laboring woman is fearful she is more likely to experience suffering. Dr. Grantly Dick-Read, an early birth advocate, explained the Fear-Tension-Pain cycle. I’d like add suffering to that. Fear-Tension-Pain-Fear-Suffering. When we are afraid of our bodies, our babies, our surroundings, the procedures being done to us, we hold tension in our bodies and that turns normal pain into suffering.
The pain of childbirth is necessary. Not just from a physiological standpoint, as described above, but from an emotional and spiritual standpoint. Birth is a transformative experience. It is sacred. Pregnancy moves us out of our childhood, our womanhood, and into something more, motherhood. We become greater than ourselves because we now have another soul to nurture. Birth allows us to grow in a multitude of ways. Growth is always painful, even when it is beautiful.
It’s how we view our births, how we view this transformation that can take the physical pain of labor and turn it into a beautiful and spiritual growth process. It’s choosing to be present in our process; to ride our contractions; to rest in between. It’s choosing how we react to the physical pain. We can decide to scream and to not tolerate it and demand it stop. Or we can choose to acknowledge the pain. Acknowledge that it’s brief and intermittent. We can choose to have faith in our bodies and in our babies.
To those who advertise a “painless” childbirth, shame on you for selling a falsehood. To those who desire a “painless” childbirth, please examine you rationale behind this desire. Remember, Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
Thank you Deena! The pain I felt in my labor was really extraordinary because it was the first time I had been so overcome by such incredibly strong sensations, and yet didn’t feel like anything was “wrong.” As a matter of fact, it felt really good and such a relief to know that my pregnancy (which I had stopped enjoying by week 36) was coming to a close and I would meet my baby soon. What you are explaining is the difference between the sensation and experience itself and how we perceive it. Excellent statement and important for all women to consider.
I love to read that suffering is not a must as I can safely say I suffered. I really wanted to deliver my first naturally, which I did but to be honest I was fighting my contractions and felt completely overwhelmed by the pain. I did go from barely no to full dialation in 1.5 h and had only 6mins of pushing. So it was literally no breathing room in between contractions. Still I hope that my second experience(if I’m lucky enough) will be more positive, I hope I’ll be in control more, embrace the pain and not suffer.
Oh, I’m sorry to hear that you suffered the last time. It sounds like you had a rather intense experience. Fast babies can be like that. I’ll be hopeful for you that this next birth goes well. If there is anything we, at Shining Light, can to do help, please do reach out to us.
I totally disagree with you, having had a natural, painless birth not once, but twice. My first child was born in 20 minutes (I went in for an exam, found out I was in labor, and barely made it to the hospital in time)-no classes, no preparation, and I fully expected to be screaming my head off in pain. My second labor took 45 minutes-same story, I walked to the hospital to be induced, found out I was already in labor, and had just enough time for my husband and daughter to get to the hospital before my son was born. It’s not a “myth,” nor am I selling anything. Painless births not only happen, they are often dangerous-can you imagine what would have happened if I had started my walk to the hospital a few minutes late? Or if my checkup hadn’t been scheduled for 4:30?
Women need to be informed about unexpected painless births, not told that they don’t exist. There are signs of labor for those of us who have pain free childbirth that are drastically different than “normal” labor signs. There may not be many of us, but our children deserve to be born safely, too.
Martha ~ I think you missed the gist of the post. The post was directed at those classes that *teach* moms they can, and are supposed to have a pain-free birth. For the vast majority of moms, there is pain involved in childbirth. Classes of this nature give moms a false sense of what to expect, and often makes them feel like failures for not achieving a pain-free birth. The post is also about perception of pain – pain vs. suffering. Pain-free and sensation-free are two different things. The vast majority of women feel sensations of birth, and in most cases, those sensations are interpreted as pain (see the post on the biology behind it). If you interpret the sensations as “rushes” or “waves” then you will still have sensation, but not pain. Pain is a *very* subjective topic.
I am honestly happy for you, that your births were pain-free. You are a rare exception. I never said it was impossible to have a pain-free birth. What I said was that pain is subjective. How you interpret the sensations in your body may be different from how another mother interprets the same sensations.
Contractions are also felt in different parts of the body in different ways – low back, upper thighs, buttocks, intestinal distress, flu-like symptoms, fatigue, general achey malaise, etc. All of these can be a part of labor, as well as the more common belly cramps. Early labor (0-5cm) can also be barely noticeable. If you are sleeping, or very busy at work, etc. you may not even notice the contractions at all. All of which, I teach in my childbirth ed. classes. It is unfair of you to assume what I do and do not teach, having never taken my classes.
The other think you mention, which is the stronger part of your post is precipitous (fast) labor. Precipitous labor happens in approx. 2% of all births. Precipitous labor was not part of my post, at all. It is part of your birth stories. Precipitous labor isn’t “dangerous”. It’s unexpected, surprising and maybe a bit scary, but not dangerous. Again, you assume I do not talk about this in my classes, and again you are incorrect. My bit of advice to moms is to *always* call their care providers if they suspect something is going on, or if something feels “off”. A mother’s instinct is more important than any “normal” sign of labor. I teach my students to pay attention to their bodies and to be responsive to their bodies.
I hope that clarifies my position for you. Sat Nam.
If birth is meant to be painful then perhaps we were not meant to give birth.
If we were not meant to give birth, there would be no humans on the planet.
Birth isn’t always painful, but there’s a big difference in *selling* painless birth, and experiencing one. A childbirth professional should not sell painless birth, since they are selling snake oil. If a woman experiences a painless birth it is because of her own doing and her own perceptions. Pain is a relative term. Credit to the mother, not the method.
I am due with my second child in a month and I have a son who is two. I just want to say that the pain I experienced with my son was the most excruciating pain I have ever felt. That said I plan on trying to have a natural birth again with my daughter. The reasons are as follows for me after going through all that pain I had such a good feeling afterwards I would call it a natural high it was an amazing feeling. I also think that by having the pain it made the whole delivery process go faster for me. I pushed for 15 minutes and out he came. If I didn’t have the pain as a motivator I think it would have taken me a lot longer and there could have been complications. Not to mention I felt like I had accomplished something awesome on my own =) there are really a lot of benefits to a natural birth in my opinion.
So, I am going to suggest that as you state that those that tout painless child birth go too far, you go too far as well. I guess I see your article as equally imbalanced, as it really does not leave open the idea that painless childbirth is an option and insinuates that it isn’t even good for you. That is what is frustrating these days. So many push that it has to be one way or the other instead of laying out the information and letting ppl chose for themselves (and actually promoting that). Unfortunately, that dilutes your information.
Sharlee ~
There are women who experience painless childbirth. I’ve even met a few myself. It’s not that painless birth is an impossibility. It’s that it’s unlikely. It’s not “wrong” to have a painless birth. It’s not “wrong” for it to be the worst pain of your life.
I object to those that sell painless childbirth. If you do this method, then you will be pain free. The issue is, when a mother tries that method, and she feels pain, she also feels like she failed. Maybe she didn’t practice enough. Maybe she could have done the method better, etc.
I believe every woman when she talks about the level of pain she felt with her birth(s). Each woman will have her own experience, pain-free, worst pain ever or somewhere in the middle. Most of us will fall somewhere in the middle.
I just don’t believe in selling snake-oil.
Thank you so much for writing this, it made me want to cry. I bought into the “painless” childbirth when I went to a birthing class and found a midwife. I was told that if I did a list of certain things, it would be virtually painless. I was excited when my contractions first started, I felt empowered and ready to have this baby naturally! I had a major, major dose of reality when it turned into the most painful and horrible birthing experience I could have imagined, even though I followed all the “natural” recommendations. Not everyone is the same, and it makes me sad that I was naive enough to fall for it.
Oh, I wish I could give you a hug! I’m so sorry your birth was painful and horrible. 🙁 I wish all childbirth educators were more realistic about the pain of birth. For some women, yes, it is painless, but for the majority of us it is painful to one degree or another. No one should be selling painless birth.
this whole artical is based on experince. not on ALL ecperiences. there are classes out there that teach painless birth. and many women have told of their experince that the classes do in fact work FOR THEM. you do not need to be in pain to give birth. if women who do give birth in pain are mad because they find it impossible to have a painless birth, then there is no need for them to push their frustrations off on other women who chose a different more enjoyable way of birthing, different from the pain felt ones that many women say they experience. fact of the matter is painless births happen. and the classes that teach them do work. if they didnt ppl wouldnt be continuing the classes well into their 3rd and 4th prgncy. its not fitting to down play anothers womens way of life and decision, just because your experiences differ from hers. but excepting the fact that each woman and her experience IS in fact different, and what she chooses to do is what works for her. her experiences is not FALSE. in fact its selfish to call other ppl liars, and myth tellers. all things are possible. only ppl who live by limits see it differently.
I’m not sure you fully read the article… no one was called a liar in my article. That is your word.
All women have different birth experiences. For some women, birth is horribly painful, other’s have tolerably painful births, other’s barely painful, yet other’s have pleasurable, orgasmic births (3% the studies say).
To your point of “the classes work for some women” I will direct you to this post, “It’s not the method, it’s the mother” https://shininglightprenatal.com/2012/03/08/it%E2%80%99s-not-the-method-it%E2%80%99s-the-mother/
So, yes, it’s possible to have a painless childbirth. However, it’s not likely and we shouldn’t sell women on the idea that is *should* be pain free. It can be, but in most cases, is not. I will suggest you re-read what I wrote above before commenting again.
I had a painless birth, at least the second half of it, about 10 years ago and felt that it was more a wonderful fluke than a repeatable event. More recently I see patterns in factors that promote the release of endorphins that are predictable enough to teach if not sell.
I know endorphins can be present without pain because twice outside of labor I have been severely bruised or cut and bleeding in the midst of incredibly intense circumstances and did not feel the injury at all. These were emergencies of varying degrees that I had to respond to. The emergency did not involve harm, but in both cases I was knicked or caught in a tool I was using and had not pain.
I had 2 natural child births… average size babies… no big deal.
Be in good condition, healthy weight, relax (accept any pain.. .and roll with it.. .do not resist it) and focus on the time… set time mile stones…and know any discomfort will soon be over.
I have had 3 miscarriages in the past…. those were very painful… giving birth a piece of cake.
I also understand not every delivery is the same and there can be complications,
it is not clear why some deliveries are more difficult and my heart goes out to those
mothers. Thank you.
I had three natural births. The middle birth was 100% painless. I had contractions that felt like the Braxton Hicks I experienced during the pregnancy. My abdomen would tighten hard like a bowling ball, yet zero pain or discomfort. The actual birth was also painless. There was zero discomfort or pain from first contraction to birth. How did this happen? I believe it was mind over matter. I had read and studied about painless childbirth during the pregnancy and was completely relaxed throughout. The other two births hurt but not to the point that I screamed or felt overwhelmed. First birth was 1 HR 20 min from first contraction to birth. I do remember stating it kinda hurt. Also controlled breathing and relaxed. Second birth was 1 HR 40 min from first contraction to birth. Third birth was most uncomfortable as he was posterior and that position caused lower back pain. This birth was 2 HR 50 min from first contraction to birth. So in my experiences childbirth pain is NOT something that always occurs. And each birth was actually longer than the one previous, something my obgyn said didn’t happen. She said each birth go faster than previous one. She also almost missed my first birth as she told me it would take hours and left to go home for dinner. Even though I had told her to not leave I was having the baby soon, she laughed at me. That was about an hour into active labor. Twenty minutes later another doctor was in place ready to deliver my child when my doctor walked in, surprised.
My take on birthing experiences is there is no normal or average or one size fits all.